Resting
Stopped clubbing for a month....how do i feel? Relaxed...... It gets kind of frustrating at first when there's nothing to do on friday's and saturday's night.... well it got through. Vcds, mahjong, steamboat, coffee, warcraft....Hmm....back to the point why i stopped clubbing-> health sake. Less smoke, less alcohol. Well, i do feel better these days.
Have been swimming for the past 2 weeks. Much tanner, kind of worried for my skin again. BUT... swimming is good for asthma. Quite a few friends asked me why the sudden change again.... haha... scorpios are indeed unpredictable. What spurs me on in life....what hit me in fact?
Five years ago, an unexpected rejection created the jaron who thought looks was everything in this circle. He changed ... for the better or worst? i still can't find the answer today. But all i knew from that day onwards, he gets hurt again and again. Until he thought that looks actually wasn't that important, what's the point of being good-looking...in the end...all was just a hoax.
I made a test and i lost again. Humans are realistic creatures.... Looks are still important not matter how kind u are. Not only looks.... money....status... and all u can find in this materialistic world. How about letting go of my dream of true love.... maybe i should find someone who is better looking, taller, richer, smarter than i am.
Seeking similarity... "hey i love that song too!" "I have that colour too!" "i love to eat that too!" The affinity towards similarity is so convenient. We are somehow made to believe the compabability when similarity arises. Have we ever thought of accepting the difference? Trying to accept the way your partner is. Not mentioning appreciating, accepting can be the first step, and when the day u can tell yourself:"i love the way he snores when he sleeps." that love......
I still remember the conversation with alfie years back: When we say love....it's not about watching movies, having meals or even living together. And of course not about sex between them. It goes back to the feeling between the two, and the kind of sacrifice one is willing to make: like donating one of your kidneys. Am i willing to do that? until today i think i can't... maybe to shawn.
Jeff is leaving again....2 months... hopes things goes well with his new bf. Guess he really needs someone to take care of him. So messy!
Singlehood feels kind of refreshing....no commitment, freedom, carefree, less worries, tons of free time, blah blah blah....am i'm finding excuses for my loneliness? be it retribution or what....that's my life i guess.
Have been swimming for the past 2 weeks. Much tanner, kind of worried for my skin again. BUT... swimming is good for asthma. Quite a few friends asked me why the sudden change again.... haha... scorpios are indeed unpredictable. What spurs me on in life....what hit me in fact?
Five years ago, an unexpected rejection created the jaron who thought looks was everything in this circle. He changed ... for the better or worst? i still can't find the answer today. But all i knew from that day onwards, he gets hurt again and again. Until he thought that looks actually wasn't that important, what's the point of being good-looking...in the end...all was just a hoax.
I made a test and i lost again. Humans are realistic creatures.... Looks are still important not matter how kind u are. Not only looks.... money....status... and all u can find in this materialistic world. How about letting go of my dream of true love.... maybe i should find someone who is better looking, taller, richer, smarter than i am.
Seeking similarity... "hey i love that song too!" "I have that colour too!" "i love to eat that too!" The affinity towards similarity is so convenient. We are somehow made to believe the compabability when similarity arises. Have we ever thought of accepting the difference? Trying to accept the way your partner is. Not mentioning appreciating, accepting can be the first step, and when the day u can tell yourself:"i love the way he snores when he sleeps." that love......
I still remember the conversation with alfie years back: When we say love....it's not about watching movies, having meals or even living together. And of course not about sex between them. It goes back to the feeling between the two, and the kind of sacrifice one is willing to make: like donating one of your kidneys. Am i willing to do that? until today i think i can't... maybe to shawn.
Jeff is leaving again....2 months... hopes things goes well with his new bf. Guess he really needs someone to take care of him. So messy!
Singlehood feels kind of refreshing....no commitment, freedom, carefree, less worries, tons of free time, blah blah blah....am i'm finding excuses for my loneliness? be it retribution or what....that's my life i guess.
posted by Jaron @ 2:46 PM
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