Making Choices

Found it rather hard to blog nowadays, i guess it's because i dun really like to share unhappy stuffs. Another hiccup in my life during mid of last month, no one realised that, i guess i succeeded in hiding it from everyone. Added a new song in my blog. Singer -> Confidential! Haha..but the song is nice right!

Well, i guess everything has to end somehow, there goes my peaceful life when i clubbed again. Good or bad, i wont know. Dun understand why there are so many shallow humans around. Am i one too? Looks, looks and looks is all that everyone is going after. It doesn't last, don't they get it? Kind of getting sick of entertaining people asking me whether i'm attached or not. I don't wish to lie but i don't want to get involved with anyone yet i suppose. I'm flooded with questions and questions everyday, and buggers stick around me for obvious indecent intentions, and subconsciously i became meaner with my words. I guess they deserve it.

Elf said i have to choose.... somehow or another... bugged....bugged and bugged. Got so confused with the situation that i seeked help from above in the end. And i got answers that had never been so blurred. Sigh....is this a test for me? I had given love that wasn't appreciated, given love that was taken granted for, given love that was seen as harm towards him and worst of all, given love that was seen as a pressure and given up twice in a row.

Is choosing that difficult? Drifting my thoughts...... i guess the greedier you are, the harder it is to choose. I guess i'm asking the same stupid question that millions have asked: why can't we just be told who to be with and just find him. There are so many question marks in my mind..... I guess i've already made up my mind but i just don't have the courage to face it.

Had a lot of dreams lately, mostly bad ones. Maybe under too much unnecessary stress..... had been thinking about the same thing every night, just can't keep it off. Argh.... wished that i can just knock myself unconscious every night. Chatted with Allure outside whynot on saturday nite, asked about a lot of stuffs..... mixed feelings....

Just read some comments my ex date made about me a couple of weeks back. Realised i'm actually such a jerk to him ..... i guess i didn't reall know how to express feelings. The more i tried not to hurt him, the deeper the misunderstanding became. I'm always the baddie....... Told alvin about it, he ask me not to bother but i simply can't, cos ultimately he was my date and i'm affected. But i guess it helps to let him forget about me faster, lesser pain bah.... i hope.

Birthday Wish List

1. A wedding ring from someone - not just a ring... a ring with commitments inscripted.
2. Self cooked dish - not bought, not instant made, something made with love.
3. Birthday card - A special wish from every individual that knows me.
4. Audi TT coupe - My dream car no.2, nobody will give me that except daddy.
5. Forgiveness - From those that i've hurt.
6. Blessings - From those who cares.
7. Last - A Birthday spent with him.