1st Love
Read my past entries again just now..... looking back... did i go through a lot? or was it just starting? Suddenly realised that my uneasiness for the past weeks might be be accounted for.
I still can remember 5 years ago, the unforgettable scene at the guard room downstairs. Shawn said :"I'm sorry ciyi, you know that we have to end one day, i have to get married ultimately, and since we have been quarreling so much these days, i think let just this be our last break-up." He didn't dare to look at me....silence...I was speechless. He continued "Maybe 5 years later, when we are more matured, we can be together again." It was this sentence that kept the reminiscence of him in my heart until today. I know that it was just wishful thinking on my part as he was obviously trying to pacify me. But i held on it as the only hope, the only hope of him in my life again.
I still remember 10 years ago, at a very quiet temple in Pasir Ris, we kneeled there, vowed for our love. Things kids do...lolx, well i did that. 2 naive teenagers at that time, thinking that life is so simple. Memories of us have been slowly fading away for the past 5 years, the impact each time i see him gets lesser, though i still can't control the tears in the end. Love will never disappear, i still believes in that. Wonder if shawn remembers what he said, guess he doesn't..... well, at least i can finally wake up from my dream.
My 21st birthday. At the chalet 2nd floor, looking at the mirror, putting on my contact lenses. Phone beeped...sms.... Shawn: Today is a special day for both of us. Though i'm not by your side, i wish that u have a happy 21st birthday. Tears flowed non-stop, I can't even wear my lenses. There were like 50+ people waiting for me downstairs to cut the cake. Put up a front, get done with the party, close eyes, sleep. Was wondering that will i get something like that this year?
Kept reminding myself that love doesn't have to be requitted. Just enjoy the process of loving someone.... seems like finding excuses for myself....self denial. Things people do when they are in love: waiting under the block for hours, leaving tonnes of goodies at the door, searching everywhere for the books he needs, trying to find out his reaction, staring at his photo, wishing him happiness with others.
I guess I need some adjustments in my life. New targets, new hobbies, new environment. Would appreciate some peace though. Getting overly confused with a lot of stuffs. Maybe things will get better after my birthday bah....hope so. Wonder how many items in my wish list can be achieved. Pray hard Jaron! Getting sleepy...talking nonsense liao....Shall end here.
I still can remember 5 years ago, the unforgettable scene at the guard room downstairs. Shawn said :"I'm sorry ciyi, you know that we have to end one day, i have to get married ultimately, and since we have been quarreling so much these days, i think let just this be our last break-up." He didn't dare to look at me....silence...I was speechless. He continued "Maybe 5 years later, when we are more matured, we can be together again." It was this sentence that kept the reminiscence of him in my heart until today. I know that it was just wishful thinking on my part as he was obviously trying to pacify me. But i held on it as the only hope, the only hope of him in my life again.
I still remember 10 years ago, at a very quiet temple in Pasir Ris, we kneeled there, vowed for our love. Things kids do...lolx, well i did that. 2 naive teenagers at that time, thinking that life is so simple. Memories of us have been slowly fading away for the past 5 years, the impact each time i see him gets lesser, though i still can't control the tears in the end. Love will never disappear, i still believes in that. Wonder if shawn remembers what he said, guess he doesn't..... well, at least i can finally wake up from my dream.
My 21st birthday. At the chalet 2nd floor, looking at the mirror, putting on my contact lenses. Phone beeped...sms.... Shawn: Today is a special day for both of us. Though i'm not by your side, i wish that u have a happy 21st birthday. Tears flowed non-stop, I can't even wear my lenses. There were like 50+ people waiting for me downstairs to cut the cake. Put up a front, get done with the party, close eyes, sleep. Was wondering that will i get something like that this year?
Kept reminding myself that love doesn't have to be requitted. Just enjoy the process of loving someone.... seems like finding excuses for myself....self denial. Things people do when they are in love: waiting under the block for hours, leaving tonnes of goodies at the door, searching everywhere for the books he needs, trying to find out his reaction, staring at his photo, wishing him happiness with others.
I guess I need some adjustments in my life. New targets, new hobbies, new environment. Would appreciate some peace though. Getting overly confused with a lot of stuffs. Maybe things will get better after my birthday bah....hope so. Wonder how many items in my wish list can be achieved. Pray hard Jaron! Getting sleepy...talking nonsense liao....Shall end here.
posted by Jaron @ 6:15 AM
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