逃避
Learnt a few stuffs while watching vcd today, one of them was : Avoiding problems is worse than suffering a defeat. Pluck up your courage and face reality. Maybe i was avoiding reality all this while, waiting for someone who will never appear again. I have ran out of excuses, for him and for myself, and i know the more i try to hide, the more i can't forgive myself.
Sometimes i really can't understand myself, I can be simply overjoyed with little things in life and also unmoved by drastic commotions elsewhere. It's the person i guess. A simple "happy birthday my dear" can bring back intense memories even though he might not have done anything memorable for you. Every little incidents becomes scarred memories which can't be erased no matter how much you wish to forget them. And the promises become the sources of sadness and disappointment, but aren't those said to make you happy in the first place?
I keep asking myself: Ain't I suppose to be the one to give him happiness? And why am i obstructing him now instead, and giving him undue discomfort and stress? If i really love him, I should let him go. I'll just be the little angel in his life, protecting and blessing him quietly.
In times of despair and helplessness, who doesn't wish for a comforting arm to hold on to? But when i seriously need that, i can only stare into blank space, and weep silently at night. Loneliness really stings at times, especially when you are feeling vulnerable, and the person that you really need is gone, the lost feeling can never be explained in words.
Ked told me about the bad dream he had about me weeks ago, and i subtly joked that maybe i was crying so desperately that even my buddy can hear me his dreams. To be truthful, i really did. That very night, i knelt on my bedroom floor, i felt really weak and helpless. I was crying so badly, I prayed while gasping for breath, hoping that someone somewhere can hear me, and rescue me out from this despair. I guess it worked.....
Had a birthday celebration with Simon on wednesday night, was quite glad that he remembered so much about us. Hope that his wishes come true this year. Happy Birthday!
Pighead asked me what went wrong? I kept quiet for a moment, and i answered "not compatible bah" with an ending smile. I really don't know what else to say, tears almost fell when i try to recall the past. I guess he knew i'm hurt and stopped probing. Thanks for the care and concern all this while.
A new week ahead! A better tomorrow for everyone my dear friends. :-)
Sometimes i really can't understand myself, I can be simply overjoyed with little things in life and also unmoved by drastic commotions elsewhere. It's the person i guess. A simple "happy birthday my dear" can bring back intense memories even though he might not have done anything memorable for you. Every little incidents becomes scarred memories which can't be erased no matter how much you wish to forget them. And the promises become the sources of sadness and disappointment, but aren't those said to make you happy in the first place?
I keep asking myself: Ain't I suppose to be the one to give him happiness? And why am i obstructing him now instead, and giving him undue discomfort and stress? If i really love him, I should let him go. I'll just be the little angel in his life, protecting and blessing him quietly.
In times of despair and helplessness, who doesn't wish for a comforting arm to hold on to? But when i seriously need that, i can only stare into blank space, and weep silently at night. Loneliness really stings at times, especially when you are feeling vulnerable, and the person that you really need is gone, the lost feeling can never be explained in words.
Ked told me about the bad dream he had about me weeks ago, and i subtly joked that maybe i was crying so desperately that even my buddy can hear me his dreams. To be truthful, i really did. That very night, i knelt on my bedroom floor, i felt really weak and helpless. I was crying so badly, I prayed while gasping for breath, hoping that someone somewhere can hear me, and rescue me out from this despair. I guess it worked.....
Had a birthday celebration with Simon on wednesday night, was quite glad that he remembered so much about us. Hope that his wishes come true this year. Happy Birthday!
Pighead asked me what went wrong? I kept quiet for a moment, and i answered "not compatible bah" with an ending smile. I really don't know what else to say, tears almost fell when i try to recall the past. I guess he knew i'm hurt and stopped probing. Thanks for the care and concern all this while.
A new week ahead! A better tomorrow for everyone my dear friends. :-)
posted by Jaron @ 9:45 AM
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