我可以忍受

Finally, it's the end of soccer seasons: no more crowded coffeshops after midnight, no more sudden commotions in the midst of night silence. Largest betting amount i heard: $2000 by Mr. Anson (He lost):x . Smallest amount: McDonald breakfast. I wasn't really part of the soccer menace except for the last 30 minutes of the finals. Keke. Didn't realise that even soccer requires some professionl acting skills. Lesson 1 : Reflex actions, learn to exaggerate falls after being tripped or pushed by opponents. Lesson 2 : Drama, seek sympathy by pretending to be in extreme pain and agony after your fall. Lesson 3 : Counter victimised, after seeing your opponents fall, pretend to be injured too! Didn't know it could be so amusing! Bald heads can hurt!

One of my favourite song, found the lyrics really meaningful:

我可以忍受

我可以忍受 你不够爱我 我可以忍受 你有别的梦

就算是编谎话骗我 至少你还在乎我的感受

我可以忍受 眼神的空洞 我可以忍受 你时间不够用

却不能忍受 做了那么多 是她拥有 我该得到的温柔

爱上你 是我改不了 也不愿改的习惯

要放开 哪有那么简单

了解你 是我说不出 也不承认的悲哀

包容你 是我体谅的爱 别当作应该

Oh no no no 不要说 对不起 原来你要的不是我

不要说 谢谢你 什么你永远在我心中

Can you tell me why?

这样的我 你也曾爱过 不是吗

是她拥有 我没看过的笑容

The phrase that meant a lot to me : 包容你 是我体谅的爱 别当作应该. Taking people for granted, that's human nature isn't it? Maybe we should all try to put ourselves in other's shoes, and start thinking about their feelings when we do certain things. Acting blur doesn't mean I'm ignorant of the truth, and being silent doesn't mean that i'm not hurt. Did you realise it? Emotionally drained and tired, should have listened to advice and not treat people so nice. "In the end you are just hurting yourself." I finally see some truth in it.

New Phone

Just bought a new phone today cos the former 6280 was driving me nuts. The dilemma that i always go through whenever i have a new phone.. old messages. Looking at the 6280, I stumbled for a while. My usual practice is to go through all the messages i had and have a last look at them, and try to save those that are important to me, but I did not do it this time. Reading the messages for the past months will only bring me sad memories. I deleted everything..... Hoping to make the past months an empty block in my life.

Seems like he's seeing someone else, or maybe he already has someone else in his heart. My mind drifted back to the past, seems like history repeating itself. Keep telling myself to let it go, I'm begninning to feel better. Walking under the night sky, my thoughts seems to clear up quite a bit, staring at the night scene, I wished that i could really appreciate everything i had.

I can't stop noticing that everyone seems to be so realistic, assessing looks, status, popularity, blah blah blah.... An ideal date will be somone cool, suave, well-known and hot favourites among your peers. I really wonder whether it does makes someone happy with these attributes. Will anyone really looks into his heart and search for kind hearted, understanding, caring and most of all, someone true to you?

I keep reminding myself that everything happen for a reason, be it good or bad, i still have to accept it somehow. The marriage vow says: for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, until death do us part. Touching and meaningful phrases isn't it? I wonder if everyone could do it if they say they love someone.

I hope that the day when my life ends, I can at least remember one single soul in my life who did love me that way. Have you met that person yet? If you think you did, please do cherish him/her, it might be the only chance in your life. We often neglect many things in our life when other things seems to be more attractive. And many times , we end up losing things we had. Well, that's part of learning i guess, and the cycle repeats until we learnt our lessons. Getting hurt umpteen times, i don't seem to learn my lesson though. Is that signs or pure stupidity? or just plain innocence?

Mood: Calm with a tint of sorrow.

"I could see I love you, It hurts me deep in my heart, 你还在我心上 某一个地方", this verse once left a deep impression, and looking at it now, an emotional turmoil starts stirring up again. Ending of this episode: "痛苦我会遗忘 只想看你开心的模样 新的恋情让它成长 而过去就放在心上"